Now that I have internet in my apartment, I've been reading over all of my old livejournal entries from undergrad. It's a bit of nostagia, a bit of self torture: it makes me so, so homesick for Pittsburgh. Flying back to my apartment on my bicycle on a warm fall afternoon, stopping at the farmer's market on the way to browse the stalls for fresh produce and pie, giggling with Char over something completely random, sitting on that little grey couch in that place that felt like home for one brief year and feeling completely happy and at peace. That year still takes the place of the best year of my life, and I miss it with an ache that is almost tangible.
Not that I normally dwell on such things. I am very happy here, in Ecuador, in the Peace Corps. My work is going as well as can be expected, with the usual hiccups and people not showing up/cancelling charlas. There are electricity shortages so every day the power goes out for a few hours and I sit in the dark, surrounded by candles. The bunny continues to be cuddly and poops everywhere.
I just miss speaking my own language, having people in my life that I can really talk to, really be me, not this dumbed-down second-language version of me that everyone here sees. I miss the fact that Light Up Night is this weekend and I won't be there to see it, that my dad is going to make his traditional turkey neck soup on Thanksgiving and carve the turkey with the Thanksgiving bayonet and I won't be there to see it, that those sweet senior-year days are irrevocably lost to me now. I will never live in Pittsburgh again, never be so close to those people I care so much about again. Our culture is to move around, and our country is large enough to stretch our legs in. We scatter across the continent, across the world.
I guess all I want to say is: I miss you. All of you. I have a fantastic life here in Ecuador, I wake in the morning and thank God that I am here, in this place of eternal spring, but I miss you very deeply.
I chose a life that takes me far away, and I wouldn't change it for the world. But that doesn't mean that I can't look over my shoulder every once in a while.
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You only have to "stretch your legs" for as long as the mood makes you do it! But you know that already. I know how hard it is to miss the old familiar. You are doing great, and your attitude is fantastic about the future. You are lucky to have this blog outlet, too. I think Chuck didn't even have a telephone! Love you!
ReplyDeleteOMG Tanya I totally didn't even know that was you until you mentioned Chuck. Hi!
ReplyDeleteYup, it's me. I see you found my LJ page. You leave a lot of writing in your wake. I'm sure I could read it all before asking questions, but that would take a hell of a lot of time. What is this book you are revising?
ReplyDeleteI wrote a book! It's my fiction novel, I've been working on it for about four years. Right now my mom is in the process of reading it, the first human to lay eyes on it ever... I'm very nervous. I think I'll need to give it a bit more polishing when she's done before anyone else reads it. Then it's the great agent search, but who knows how to go about doing that...
ReplyDeleteMaybe you do?